My ADHD Diagnosis Story: How I am Learning to Live and Thrive With ADHD

What is 'this'? I have gone to therapy. I have more books than one person can read in a lifetime. What is this wall that I can't seem to get passed???

It was a typical day in my working life. I had just returned to corporate America after a 1-year sabbatical. My head was spinning from the info-dump that comes standard with any new job. I sat at my desk crying, as all the criticism from naysayer came flooding in. "You've only gotten to where you are by luck", one former manager's words echoed. "Why can't you be like everyone else?", my father quipped. "Don't think about it - just do it!" the adopted moto of the world. These types of thoughts occupied my brain every day since they were said. Instead making them my burden and trying to "fix" me, I sought instead to understand why.

Though not completely embraced as a scientific, the place where I began to question that the behavior's I was exhibiting may extend beyond "personality quirks" was -- of all places -- TikTok. My bouncing from topic to topic via the search engine, began to feed the algorithm enough information that I may want to learn from TickTokers who discuss ADHD. Though there are two people in my family who have been formally diagnosed with ADHD, I did not believe that it was a true 'disorder' and chalked it up to bad parenting. I and the parents of those relatives who have the disorder admit that they weren't the best parents to their kids. However, I finally matured enough in my thinking to be open giving an online assessment a try to at least rule it out. I took a random online test that is similar to that was found here Create one (donefirst.com). My results showed there is a high likelihood that I have ADHD, but I wasn't going to stop there. I have cut and pasted so many understandings of who I think I was as a person; it was time to seek out the help of a professional to formalize a wholistic understanding of what is going on.

Eventually I found a psychologist who was open to seeing adults who suspect they have ADHD. Maybe my search abilities are rusty, but I live in the Chicago metro area and could only find one psychologist, PhD that specialized in ADHD in adults. After a 5-hour assessment that included observation and an IQ test, it confirmed what had been informing my history without my permission: I have Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (Undefined).

Next, I share my childhood struggles that, in hindsight, indicated that my hurdles pointed to more than "personality quirks".